Mistakes.

So I got a new laptop. Not the one I really wanted but I like it anyways but that isn't what this post is about. It's about the idea that I made some big ass mistakes this week. If Anna reads this and give me permission I would very much like to share my and her e-mails back and forth to each other so that I can explain this better but if or when that happens could be a while from now since Anna and I are no longer friends. It hurts a lot and I know it's my fault. It's also my fault that she is choosing to dump everyone else as well which will all be explained further in her xanga account. All I know is that no matter how sorry I am,, or how much I want her to forgive me for being human. It won't happen. In her letters, to me, it seems as if she never cared I guess I was rude and obnoxious and completely absurd. She wrote back to me each time as cold, calculating and in the most painful manner towards me. I don't evenknow if she did care or if it really was all my fault or is. But I'm blaming myself for being angry at her on Thrusday and blaming myself for ruining a chance at having a good friend, for not being a great enough person to get along with Andy, and for being stupid enough to send that e-mail. It's my fault, blame me. I have absolutely nothing right now that could hurt worse so don't pity me, I made a mistake. I'm only human and I have my weaknesses like everyone else and you wanna know what it is? Getting attached to people whom I supposedly didn't really care much about to begin with. As in thinking something so much to the point I believe it... until it's gone or someone else proves me wrong. It was bound to happen I guess and I know I might sound dejected or something right now... and it's because I do. I feel like she kicked me and then laughed. I hurt. I've cried myself to sleep for the last three days and I don't know what to do. I'm sad... really sad and I just want everything to go away. I don't want to go to work and I don't want to see Joe. I want him to go away but I don't know how to say it really. I regret a lot of things right now... and I think I need a break, from reality. It sucks...